Friday, January 15, 2010

Who is responsible?

I wrote this article for an online magazine:

When our life isn’t working out the way we want it to, we often blame external things or other people. The relationship isn’t working because he is dysfunctional, your job isn’t recognizing your full potential, or you aren’t making enough money and can’t afford a vacation. And it’s because of this or because of that, this circumstance or that person. Although these may manifest as external problems, it is often emotions or thought patterns that hold us back.

We believe we are victims to circumstances and other people. That it is someone else’s or something else’s fault that we are not happy or getting what we want in life. Something out side of us is causing us to be unhappy or stuck. And even if you don’t think you are blaming someone or something else, you probably are if you are not taking 100% responsibility for what is going on in your life and for your unhappiness. Be careful not to blame others for who you have chosen to be or what you have chosen to believe about yourself.

Sure, maybe it is true that you are in a relationship with an emotionally unhealthy person or that your boss is a tyrant, but these are all choices you made. I am not saying they are good choices or bad choices or that they are right or wrong choices, I am saying that you and only you made the choice. Even how you reacted, perceived it, or perhaps, made it mean something about you, is your choosing.

Perhaps an unconscious choosing due to your own self-negative thoughts and self-beliefs, but it is your responsibility to clean these up … without judgment and blame towards yourself as well. Merely become aware of what they are, and then realize it is you who is choosing to continue to believe and act upon these thoughts and beliefs through your choices and through your reactions. They are 100% your thoughts and 100% your emotions, no one else is thinking or feeling for you.

Taking 100% responsibility for your life may sound difficult or scary but it can be very freeing too because you will know that you have the power to choose. Choose who you allow in your life, choose how you react to situations and choose how you perceive certain events. You can unlock from the shackles of blame and resentment and take your power back.

Ask yourself the following questions. If you were 100% responsible for yourself:
What would you do for yourself today?

What choices would you make?

What boundaries would you set?

What would you stop doing?

What or who would you let go of?

What would you open up to?

By being 100% responsible for your life, you learn to be able to respond to your own needs, build a sense of personal authority and save yourself because no one else is coming to rescue you.


  1. Oh I feel am only 60% responsible... a long way to go yet. Hummmm

    Great post!

  2. It's a nice thought that we could be 100% responsible for ourselves. I enjoy thinking I am while knowing I'm not which is very irresponsible of me.

    If I was I would stop everything I'm doing now and start over. I use the circumstances of my life as an excuse to be unhappy with it.

    This was an excellent post.

  3. Great post! ... Will return to read it when my cold disappears along with that foggy feeling.

    missed my visits~