Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Letting the Enemy In

I open the door wide and let them in.

Oh I try to blame others for it, spend my time analyzing the other person’s issues, how they hurt me, how I am the victim, but it is only I that let the enemy in. And I make the enemy stronger by repeating the same self-defeating thoughts and make the enemy stronger by continuing to believe these false self-beliefs. Beliefs created so long ago with an innocent child’s mind and sensitive heart.

Unskilled behaviours of the adults I looked up to, looked to for love, support and understanding and when it was dysfunctional, it created my sense of self, how I felt about myself and who I thought I was. And I realize I am still operating from that same place decades later! I am not who I think I am. These thoughts, these beliefs are what are creating the pain inside … nothing external. I am the one feeding the imaginary monster.

We let the enemy in when we are weak.
We let the enemy in every time we lie to ourselves and make excuses and justifications for our unhealthy or addictive behaviours.
We let the enemy in every time we listen to our negative thoughts and destructive self-beliefs and self criticism.
We let the enemy in when we try to control or manipulate a situation or person to feed our own unhealthy emotional needs.
We let the enemy in when we aren’t compassionate with ourselves and forgive our mistakes.
We let the enemy in when we don’t believe in ourselves and don’t trust ourselves.
We let the enemy in when we choose not to listen to our instincts, our feelings and our own inner knowing.

I have not been a good guard of my gateway to my heart and soul ... the gateway to inner peace … the gateway to my happiness.

Not taking care of ourselves, not taking responsibility for ourselves…we allow the enemy in. And when the enemy does get in we blame others, external things and allow it to beat ourselves up.

The real battle is inside. Not out there with something or someone else.


  1. and this is the truth. we enable others to affect us when we should just shut the door and walk away. excellent post!

  2. Oh that enemy so IN now I can feel it... Yes you are so right!
    Must learn closing the gates...
    Great thoughts

  3. A wonderful insight as always SB. I love the way that you describe your feelings.
    To me its always been a problem in deciding what kind of gatekeeper that I want to be and the kind of people I'm attracting as I'm doing it!
    I've still gotten hurt and maybe I'm starting to realize that while I may have my faults, its the kind of people who I'm attracting to my hearty gates who may have had more problems than me in the first place!

  4. SUPER BRUNETTE (that's the way I see it!) at first I wondered, "What am i doing here? I do not know this blog."

    One quick read and then I do know. As a recent new follower of steveroni, I am proud to drop by and get to know you one post at a time.

    Then I see that two out of the three comments already here are really special friends of mine, Shadow and Dulce. It is still weird to me that I can have good friends though we have never met.

    And now, the best part: You Ms SUPER B, have a knack for writing totally interesting in-your-face depictions of your thoughts, emotions, feelings about things of which people usually speak little to one another.

    Dare I say "You are in the right place!"? And you would add greatly as a participant in ANY blog-community. Glad to know you.

  5. So true, we are our only real enemy. I could try to speak more of this but you put it so wonderfully I wouldn't want to ruin it. My favorite line: We let the enemy in when we are weak. So, so, so, so true!