Saturday, October 30, 2010

What Mask are you wearing this Halloween

Halloween is known as the day of the dead. Halloween, or Samhain, marks the Celtic New Year, a mysterious point in time when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest, and people are said to be able to communicate with the dead - ancestors and departed loved ones.  Samhain is literally a world between the worlds. It was believed that on this day, the dead would be able to intermingle with the living. The living, to protect themselves from being possessed by lost souls, would dress up in ghoulish masks to frighten off the evil spirits OR to fit in with them and go undetected in order not to be possessed by them.
But it’s not just Halloween that people wear masks, maybe in a more literal and visible way we do, yet everyday we wear a mask, only these ones are invisible…even to ourselves. And we do it for the same reason: “to frighten off the evil spirits OR to fit in with them and go undetected in order not to be possessed by them.” The only difference is that now we are possessed by an invisible ‘evil’ spirit, in which we created.
We begin to construct our masks at a young age as we tried to fit into our family roles and figure which way of being would make us feel the most safe and loved. These masks were constructed to cover up deep feelings of shame, unworthiness and powerlessless.
And we don’t just wear one mask, the wounded ego can take on a variety of different masks to camouflage its perceived inadequacies. The nature of the facade that we choose varies from person to person, and most of us have more than one social mask that we wear, depending on who we are with and what stage of life we are in.  
Many of us created personas based on how others perceived our true selves and adjusted our personas accordingly to fit in, to be accepted and to feel like we are okay…creating false selves. Our false selves, then serves as a way for our wounded ego to distance itself from our deep painful feelings, in an effort to protect us. But instead, the masks that we construct to hide and protect what others (and we ourselves) have made wrong, bad, and unacceptable become an invisible fortress around our true selves.
Day by day as we continue to wear our masks of “protection”, we lose contact with our true selves. We obscure our true essence, hiding who we really are and even our ability to know and see the truth about ourselves because we have come to believe in the false self. Once our facade is firmly in place, we begin to be used by the nature of the mask we have chosen. We attract to us the very people who will help us ensure that we can continue playing the same character over and over again-even when it has become so painful that we can no longer take it. We stay glued to our false self because we believe we are the mask we are wearing.
Yet, the ‘evil’ spirits we are hiding from or fighting against is really lost fragments of our true selves. As Samhain is literally a world between the worlds, so is our everyday lives as we continue to wear our masks and live through our false selves. That is the real day of the dead.
It’s not the masks that scare us; it is what is underneath them that frightens us the most.

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Mystery of it All

You may not want someone to leave your life, you feel you are deeply connected and that you have something great to offer them, they even make you feel that way. But then they do leave (or you may do the leaving because of their actions) and you feel despondent – having you believe that you do not have something great to offer…why else would they leave, or move on?

Perhaps, and most likely, they do not have something great to offer YOU, and that they do NOT add value to YOUR life. And perhaps they were unable to accept the great things you do have to offer because they are filled with too much insecurities of their own. They block good and healthy things from their life because it threatens their security, their deep-seated beliefs, and arouses uncomfortable feelings. Feelings that are buried, unresolved and they are likely in denial of.

They seem so confident in themselves, that you will believe that what they think and believe must be right, because you are not as confident in your thoughts and feelings. And you begin to doubt your own. That confidence is more than likely a survival mask, an amour, ego pride, arrogance and a selfish resolve of their beliefs being right. You threaten this very fragile sense of self…so they leave.

They move on quickly to appease this insecure sense of self, to feel “whole” again, to feel right, to bandage up a wound before it gets to breath. A new companion that, in their mind, proves they are okay, yet in reality it is one that doesn’t threaten their comfortable sense of self, or the status quo. Someone that doesn’t ask them to LOOK at the wounds that are buried within, doesn’t ask them to step up, to become stronger and to heal. Someone who is likely codependent and has the same level of insecurities…someone that is a better match to their level of evolution at this time.

NO, them leaving is NOT proof that you don’t have anything good to offer them, or that you were not good enough, or that you are not worth fighting for. Them finding a new companion so soon does NOT mean you are easily forgotten, that your thoughts and feelings were wrong, that you made a mistake, rather it is proof that they are too weak and too insecure and too in denial to be with you.

Them leaving is a gift from the Universe. Yes, you do have something to offer them, in which they are not ready to receive, but more importantly they do NOT have something great to offer you. So if you won’t leave, if your shadows have taken a hold of you and your fears set it, the Universe will make sure that they leave you…because you are ready to come into your own greatness.

You have healed on so many levels (you just don't know it) and this time the Universe will not let you slip back. So often we wonder ‘why is this bad thing happening to me?’ ‘Why doesn’t the world give me a break?’ This is your break! Taking that person away from you IS because of the grace of the Universe. Allowing you to grow, to find your inner power and move further down your path and toward your destiny.

Our answers don’t come in the way we expect them; if they did then we wouldn’t learn anything because we wouldn’t have anything to learn – we’d already know it if it came the way we thought it would. When the Universe is helping you in this way, making damn sure that you cannot fall back into your self-defeating patterns and staying small, then you are beginning to align your soul with all that is true for you.

The Universe works in mysterious ways, we are not supposed to know it all, or our life would not unravel as it should and the lessons that teach us who we are and what or destiny is would not be learned. I think if we could stop analyzing it all, stop trying to figure it all out, and stop forcing our will (ego wounds), not only would we lessen our suffering, we would also get out of our own way so that we can see the blessing the Universe has bestowed upon us. And really, wouldn’t it be boring if we knew it all?

Everyone loves a mystery. Life is the great circle of mystery. 

Love the mystery of your life.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Let the leaves fall where they may

Until we can claim our true worth, we are always unconsciously proving our false beliefs correct.

No matter the circumstances or the person, the story is always the same: “I am not good enough” “I can’t trust myself” “I was betrayed” “I am a victim” “I am not talented/skilled enough” “I will be rejected” and so on. Your mind will always spin this story as soon as something or someone triggers the corresponding emotion. Analyzing, blaming, resenting, sulking, feeling like a victim is not going “fix” how you feel. 

One needs to go deeper. Go inside themselves, rather than look out…out at the “circumstances” or the other people. If you keep running into the same story, there is a block within. It’s not that there is something “wrong” with you, but there is something that is in need of healing or needs to be acknowledged, or something that needs to be challenged by your adult mind.  

Until you tend to the roots, the tree will never stand tall and grow, and the branches will break with the slightest breeze.  And in keeping with that analogy, Autumn is the time that nature hibernates, let’s go of the old as it prepares for new growth. This is the perfect time, as well, to tune into our natural rhythms and turn inward. A time to go within and reflect. Find out what’s really going on within yourself that keeps creating these circumstances that strips you of true self worth, a sense of self that is unshakeable from experiences out there.   

When we realize we control our thoughts and emotions, when we become masters of our thoughts and emotions, then we will no longer feel like victims of outside circumstances or of other people. When we feel like we are victims of circumstances, or that other people are causing us to feel distressing or uncomfortable emotions, that is where we are giving our power away.

A true sense of self worth and power will never be found outside of us, no matter how much money we make, how big of a house we live in, what job title we have, who we are married to, etc.

I don’t claim to know how one can own their power and feel a sense of true self worth, but I do know what keeps one from it. Not believing in ourselves. Not trusting our own voice inside. Needing others to change to make us feel better. Allowing others behaviours, words and actions define how we feel about ourselves. 

I do know unconscious patterns are hard to break. I do know it’s difficult to really believe in ourselves when we have learned not to. I do know that it is scary to speak up for ourselves. I do know it is scary to take risks and try something new. I do know that it is heartbreaking to let go. I do know that it is a long and arduous journey to our true selves. I do know that transformation and breaking out of our comfortable cocoon is painful.

But if we could just take a cue from nature and use the Autumn season as a time to quiet ourselves, to rest and just ALLOW things to decay and fall away. Like a tree shedding its leaves. If we could tune into our own true nature, just as a tree does and trust in this natural process knowing that it is preparing us for new growth, we would be much closer to finding our true power and self worth.