Friday, February 5, 2010

The Language is in the Knowing

We get all caught up in trying to describe stuff, label things or analyze something or someone, and we lose the real meaning of it all. Sure words are a useful form of communication, but often when we are trying to figure out an issue or facing a difficult challenge in our life, language just gets in the way.

Using language is what I have been doing for over a year now in trying to “understand” the break up, to get a handle on my emotions, and to try to quiet the demons in my head.
Analyzing all his issues, so I don’t have to believe my own self-defeating beliefs because he and the break up really TRIGGERED them.

Descriptions of all my emotions so I can better understand them and where they came from.
Replaying everything over and over again in my head to find the right words to describe my feelings at the time, to remember why I chose to walk away from that relationship….because once I did, the words of self-doubt and ‘not good enough’, ‘not special enough’, ‘not loveable enough’, ‘not worth fighting for’ were all screaming in my head.

Explanations of what went on and who he is to convince myself I did the right thing, that I made a healthy choice. But all of this language to understand and make sense of it all has just added to the noise in my head, the self-doubt and the confusion…more ammunition for the demons to play with.

It is true that ‘The devil is in the details.’

Our mind, and the way the brain functions, needs to make sense of things and create patterns to organize and understand things, which is all good and useful for it's purpose, yet we rely way too much on our minds and so little on our gut instinct or intuition. That inner knowing that doesn’t require all the workings of the brain.

In yoga, my teachers and myself, as well, talk about quieting down the mind in order to get in touch with your inner voice and your intuition. Your inner wisdom. It’s just a knowing. The heart and the soul does not work in language, it works in a deeper knowing. I even use words to try to help remember that I had the knowing and to try to remember what that knowing was! WORDS, so many words…almost like an addiction that I keep relying on.

I could go over my break up and his dysfunctional behaviours, what happened, why it happened, what I should have said, what I should have done (listen to my intuition in the first place) to get more and more understanding ,thinking it will help me in letting go . I could spin these words over and over in my head and in my journal for another year plus and I likely won’t get any closer to healing.

I need to stop using the language of the mind and trust the knowing of my soul.


  1. Good post. Quiet interesting to know this. There are various second language acquisition strategies that have been developed by language experts and the success of a language learning process depends on the effective use of these strategies.

  2. Words can be useful, even beautiful, and they can become chains we tie ourselves's all in the way that you use it...

  3. WOW I have been trying to explain my feelings & reasons for being with "him" for a while but can't find the words... I just know that for now it is what I want to do. Thx for the reassurng that sometimes words are not needed... Love the last sentence on your post - it summarizes how i feel at this time perferctly!

  4. I love coming here and read your words.

    Words is all we have and produce... and they are the ones which try (so often in vain) to put things together to try to understand...

    The silence of the mind is the words becoming simple letters with no meaning until they eventually disappear... then we'll get to that soul of ours, knowing witout words...hard to imagine, though achievable.

    Just beautiful SB, dear


  5. So much 'processing' takes place after a break-up. Actually, we process much before the relationship, during but especially after. Words all beautiful but yes, I agree, it is the inner knowing that we need to listen to. Though that understanding takes time. We question, we doubt our own knowing until one day we can say. I fully trust in my knowing and that is all I need.

    Thought-provoking with sheer honesty, which I so love to see :)


  6. This was a really insightful and thought provoking read.

    Words are just another way of expressing the intent, the fears and the instincts. Words only have as much relevance as that which drives them, maybe?

  7. coulda/shoulda/woulda... all these things we beat ourselves up with trying to understand the 'why' of things... sometimes it is enough to ask: 'why not'?

    the only constant is change...

    if we don't change together, we change apart... much as it hurts, that's how it happens

  8. So very well said SB. I often feel lucky that I can find words, no matter how random! To express my emotions.

    I know people who can't find the words and who carry their emotions on their face whenever I see them.

  9. Thanks for all your comments and feedback. It is so great to have a group of people that understand and can relate to my "stuff".

    I haven't had the inspiration to post anything...seems like a very emotional month for me, but I will be back and get to reading your posts.

    Much Metta

  10. I love this post!

    Words are sooo powerful, aren't they. How we use them can make such a difference in how they're received.

    Before we can use our words, we must focus on what/how to say them. I wrote something you might be interested in. Tell me whatcha think.


  11. Ahhh, yes, but I think sometimes language just gets in the way. We overuse our intellect and our thinking mind trying to come up with an answer to our feelings or choices and overanalyzing that the words just confuse what we know. That's where I think words and our thinking minds are not needed at all, and we can fully rely on our instincts and our inner knowing....that doesn't need words to describe it or explain it. Thanks for the comments.

  12. Hey I miss your writings!!!