Sunday, December 13, 2009

One day, if you are lucky... will be in pain.

Why do we hang on so long after someone is gone or something is done? We go over and over it in our heads, rehashing the conversations, what we said, what they said, what we should have said. Keeping the story alive. Giving the “sad” story more power than it had even to begin with. We feed the demons, feed the sadness, feed the pain, feed our own story that we created a long time ago about who we are. Or rather, who we believe we are. Our conditioned self, the role we played in our family, our patterns of behavior, our way of coping and surviving in our family structure. And we take these roles and wounds out into the world, projecting them everywhere and on to everyone, especially in our intimate relationships. 

Whether we want to admit or not, or whether we are even aware of it, most of us recreate our family patterns in our relationships. We approach love the same way we did as children, whether that is through shutting down, acting out, seeking constant approval or trying to be really good to prove our worth. We keep chasing that wound. Searching out there so we can feel good in here.
And it works for a while; all the same familiar patterns over and over again feels strangely comforting, feels like home, feels like what you know even if it isn’t healthy. 

But one day if you are lucky, you will hurt so much that you will no longer be able to bear the pain of living these old beliefs, behaving from your conditioned self and allowing that wounded child to steer the wheel that keeps you from the path of finding who you really are. Keeps you from owning your own power and from living from that space. The very space that will provide you with what you are seeking out there for: love…happiness. 

One day, if you are lucky, you will be cracked open so wide that you will need to look inside and from there the real you will begin to emerge.


  1. Excellent and profoundly truthful words, Kim... It's funny, not funny haha, but funny when we 'know this truth' and we forget how we play the same tape over and over again in our heads and in our hearts. I suppose one can be aware, but need reminding now and again {ME}...;)

    Thank you for this great post!


  2. Oh my God This has given so much to think about... I sometimes seem not to be able to get rid of those ghosts of the past... especially my granma...When I become myself... or who I think is myself I feel great and then again a kind of guilt, pain... Does it remain in the genes????

    Hey! Thanks for coming by, for following me.. I'd like to follow you too, but you do not have a list of followers... Anyway I'll keep you at my sidebar... I love your writing!

  3. i feel this down to my very core...