Saturday, September 25, 2010

All I See is Me

It is so difficult to see ourselves. That is why we have relationships, whether friendships, siblings, coworkers, or intimate relationships, through them we really get to see and learn about ourselves. It’s really not so much about them, it’s really about us. The world – our relationships and our circumstances – are a mirror for us. They mirror back to us how we really feel about ourselves deep down.

But it is so difficult to see ourselves. Difficult situations will come along and maybe help us, and we get glimpses and may decide to alter a behavior or perspective. But we still so often just see the other person. It’s them. We can see their faults, their issues, their unhealthy behaviours…their baggage. It’s easy to see. It may be projection, but it may not be. Either way we see it over there – in them, and we focus our attention outside of us. Nothing really changes much. More of the same people and circumstances keep coming along. Until that ONE!

Sometime we even say it: “he/she is the one”. And they probably are, but in a way quite different than we expected. They are the ONE that has exposed all our wounds, all our hidden fears, trauma and pain. They are the ONE that exposed it to the light of day. And we may try to shove it back down in our own special way, or ignore it, or try to outrun it, but this time we cannot. Our “Soulmate” has exposed our truth. And a true soulmate really is the ONE that will teach you the most about yourself. And often it is the most painful.

Yet this is the chance to really SEE ourselves. If it is our time to grow, time for our soul to evolve to the next level, all our distractions, band-aids, defenses, saviours, and safety nets will be taken from us. The drugs, the sulking, the clinging, the pleading, the next ‘one’ won’t make it feel better this time, so that we can stay the same.

Everything will be stripped away, and you can stay stuck, fighting what is, and screaming “it’s not fair” and nothing this time will save you. You are now face-to-face with YOU! Introduce yourself. There is no longer anything or anyone else to look at, but you. You are alone with yourself. That anger, that resentment, that pain, that sadness…it’s all yours.

This is the struggle we come up against when we come to this point, where there is nothing or no one else…nothing to blame, no one to save us. If you really think about it, it is our own souls (ourselves) that have brought us to this place. We have, at a deeper level, created this for ourselves. Why?

Because our souls are asking us to grow. Our souls want us to save ourselves. Our souls want us to know our own strength. Our souls want us to know our own worth. Our souls want us to find our own power.

Our souls are asking us to look at ourselves. Our souls are asking us to become who we are…or, rather remember who we really are. Our souls are asking us to stop looking outward to find ourselves because that is not where we are. Our soul is saying “look here…inside”. That is why we are stripped bare. That is why we are left alone. That is why our own defenses and band-aids no longer work, so we have nowhere else to look, nowhere else to go…but inside. It’s like tough love.

This ‘painful’ process is an opportunity to get to know you…the real and amazing and complex and worthwhile you. An opportunity to grow…grow into you. And really, what a great opportunity. You have been awoken. You now have the chance to get to really know YOU!

Your fears, your hopes, your wounds, your dreams, your strengths, your joys, your sadness…and accepting it all. Get curious and excited about getting to know you and be close with you as you would with another. How lucky, because what a beautiful person you get to know – you!

These seemingly painful experiences are likely really one of the most special experiences of our life. We are being given a gift— a gift to really know ourselves, know our truth and move closer to our destiny.

I believe when one surrenders to this process and gets to the other side of it, they will have found a strength, a power, and a love they have never known…because they will have found themselves.

Thanks to the pain.


  1. this is an extraordinary set of thoughts laid out. i remember when i was younger and something painful would happen, i'd ask myself 'where is the LESSON?' quite loudly because i was just learning there was something being taught because of that pain. they say your heart is not breaking, it's breaking OPEN, and that's kept me centered during the tough times. i truly believe that we have many soul mates in our lives - friends, lovers, dogs, et cetera. i've never thought there was just one person out there for-ever-and-ever-and-ever. i would love to end up with one person, but don't think less of myself for having thought i was with 'the one' then realizing he was 'a one' if that makes sense? again, thank you for such a thoughtful post.

  2. Yes, before love of anything (my motor scooter?) a person, God, a food...before any love has to come knowledge. I MUST know something, or how CAN I 'love' it?

    And I cannot therefore love myself either, until I know who the hell I am. What do I believe? What are my truths? Now that I know them, I am comfortable to stand for what i believe, talk to several hundred people for an hour, feel OK with my Higher Power, and...AND even L O V E myself.

    There I am on the soapbox again. Not really sorry, but I'll say it anyway...sorry!

    You have a good blog, interesting, and honest. See you again here I hope! And LOVE yourself. You ARE deserving of at least THAT! (And much more!!!)

  3. YES madam, this is IT!
    Ourselves. Why does it take us so long to get to this conclusion, and yet, despite being aware that it's all inside US, we keep being contaminated by the old thoughts , the old behaviour, and so easily we find ourselves looking again outside...?
    It's the same as knowing we must live the present forget the past and not worry about the future, but again because we are used to doing that- and stopping one thoughts is sometimes so hard...
    I guess it's a matter of habits... so we must start learning and practising the new habit which will give us a better life!

    Thanks Brunette, for your posts...