Sunday, March 28, 2010

Taking my projections back

People come into our life and it may be a painful experience in order to help our souls emerge into who we are. It’s just like a birth process and that in itself is painful, but ultimately rewarding (I am guessing as I do not have children). These experiences can trigger our deepest fears of abandonment and rejection and our insecurities.

The person that catalyzes these feelings represent an aspect of ourselves that we are trying to reclaim and get back or that we have never come into. For me it is knowing my self-worth, believing in myself, self-value, self-trust and just a strong sense of self. If I could just see this symbolically, see him a symbol of the power I lost in childhood. What does he symbolize about who I am? About what I am trying to reclaim? Because I do know that it is really about me.

Projections. Often when this is talked about it’s about how we project our shit on to other people, as in misdirected anger, but often we project our “good” stuff on to others too. And maybe more so if you have codependent tendencies... I dunno. So I made a list of the things that I admired in him, that I thought were him, but perhaps really weren’t. We can perceive things in different lights depending on how we feel about the person or rather more correct, how we want that person to be for us.

The Projection List:

Stage Presence

And most of those perceptions came from him being a musician and song writer. In reality, that was more his stage persona or narcissism, a word he used once to describe why he had to be the singer even though his singing voice isn’t so great. Some of the other perceptions came from him being married for 16 years, him having the son live with him most the time, him having such a close relationship with ex and an extra close (read clingy) relationship with son. In reality, this all had to do with his addiction issues, codependency and deep-seated insecurity.

So perhaps all these projections I put on him are really aspects of me. I don’t claim many of them because I don’t believe them about me. And it’s just that, self-beliefs that hold us back. It’s what we believe about ourselves that directs our lives and feeds our experiences. What we believe is not necessarily the truth. Truth is, these are likely all my unclaimed power. I see it in others because I am unable to see it in myself. After all, people and relationships just hold up mirrors to us. Maybe I was never really seeing HIM, rather I saw my own strengths and power that was cut off from me in childhood.

I am here to reclaim my power and give his stuff back!


  1. What you are able to project on another is a skill, a gift that only you have... I'm sure i'd see him in quite a different way because I project myself my own way...

    So it's you who has it all!

  2. Maybe I do it. Maybe I do not do it. But, in any case I do not know what that is--projecting myself on another...maybe, er...well, is it a GRRL thing?

    Now, maybe I like to BE projected against. No, I would not know what that was, either. I'm lost here. Better get out before you realize how REALLY stewpeedo this steveroni IS!


  3. Post that stuff and send it right back SB!
    Self-worth is so important to, I'm going to be writing about that soon, that along with self respect are things which rejection can easily rip from me.

    And that projection list is brilliant. To me though, I've realized that I once had all that in a lover....but it wasn't enough! I'm starting to think that half of what I need is good and that the other unknown stuff can be learned and appreciated in time.

  4. sounds like a good plan to follow on your wellness trail... keep your head up and you will see yourself a winner again :D