The Language is in the Knowing

We get all caught up in trying to describe stuff, label things or analyze something or someone, and we lose the real meaning of it all. Sure words are a useful form of communication, but often when we are trying to figure out an issue or facing a difficult challenge in our life, language just gets in the way.

Using language is what I have been doing for over a year now in trying to “understand” the break up, to get a handle on my emotions, and to try to quiet the demons in my head.
Analyzing all his issues, so I don’t have to believe my own self-defeating beliefs because he and the break up really TRIGGERED them.

Descriptions of all my emotions so I can better understand them and where they came from.
Replaying everything over and over again in my head to find the right words to describe my feelings at the time, to remember why I chose to walk away from that relationship….because once I did, the words of self-doubt and ‘not good enough’, ‘not special enough’, ‘not loveable enough’, ‘not worth fighting for’ were all screaming in my head.

Explanations of what went on and who he is to convince myself I did the right thing, that I made a healthy choice. But all of this language to understand and make sense of it all has just added to the noise in my head, the self-doubt and the confusion…more ammunition for the demons to play with.

It is true that ‘The devil is in the details.’

Our mind, and the way the brain functions, needs to make sense of things and create patterns to organize and understand things, which is all good and useful for it's purpose, yet we rely way too much on our minds and so little on our gut instinct or intuition. That inner knowing that doesn’t require all the workings of the brain.

In yoga, my teachers and myself, as well, talk about quieting down the mind in order to get in touch with your inner voice and your intuition. Your inner wisdom. It’s just a knowing. The heart and the soul does not work in language, it works in a deeper knowing. I even use words to try to help remember that I had the knowing and to try to remember what that knowing was! WORDS, so many words…almost like an addiction that I keep relying on.

I could go over my break up and his dysfunctional behaviours, what happened, why it happened, what I should have said, what I should have done (listen to my intuition in the first place) to get more and more understanding ,thinking it will help me in letting go . I could spin these words over and over in my head and in my journal for another year plus and I likely won’t get any closer to healing.

I need to stop using the language of the mind and trust the knowing of my soul.

Set the Dark Alight

The passage from darkness to light. 

The Winter Solstice – daylight is the shortest due to the tilt of our planet, leaning it the furthest away from the sun - occurs on December 21^st.

The longest night of the year has long been celebrated and heralded as a turning point – the day that marks the return of the sun. The rebirth of the sun.

In darkness we turn inward and reflect on the past year – our joys and our challenges and garner the lessons learned. This earthly shift is the perfect time for creating and accepting change, and realizing our personal growth over the past year. Our own rebirth of sorts.  

Many cultures the world over perform solstice ceremonies. At their root: an ancient fear that the failing light would never return unless humans intervened with anxious vigil or antic celebration. In darkness we must face ourselves, our fears – the monsters in the dark and we must intervene with anxious vigil so the light can enter and dispel our darkness.

A celebration of changing dark into light. Celebrate who we are, our lives and all of our lessons.

The Winter Solstice is a time to release our fears, our pains and let go of our difficulties and as we do, the light of a new day can enter. A perfect time to set positive intentions for the year ahead.

Trust. Faith. Light. 
This is the meaning and magic of the Winter Solstice. 

Trust that at the very darkest moment, the light will start to return. 

A Winter's Night song

Teach Me

What does being a teacher mean? Does a teacher have to be better than or know more than their students? Are teachers wiser and smarter people? More advanced human beings?

Even as a yoga teacher I have struggled with that question at times wondering if I am “advanced” enough to teach when I still struggle with some more challenging poses that may come easier to others, even if I can teach them well. If a student can get into and stay in headstand better than I or balance upside down on their arms when I cannot, can I then still be their teacher?

Yes I can, I realized. I believe a teacher is someone who guides you to find your own potential, challenges you to grow and ultimately guides you into your own self.

And I believe there are two types of teachers in general: those that inspire you and build you up and those that discourage you and tear you down. But both serve the same purpose: to guide you to you. To who you really are, to your authentic self. Both push you to grow and challenge you to reach your potential and find your own power within.

We can love and look up to those people in our lives that have encouraged us, recognized our potential and made us feel good about ourselves and we can despise or resent those people in our lives that have hurt us, broke us down and had us feeling like shit about ourselves … yet they are both catalysts for the same thing... bringing you closer to you.

A true teacher gives us the gift of ourselves.

And most times it is the hardest teacher – the ones we resent or despise - and the most painful lessons – the ones that hurt and bring us to our knees - that leads us down the right path. Our own path. Our true path. The path that leads us deep into ourselves where our gold is ... just waiting to shine.

There’s a Buddhist proverb that goes: When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

Know, that when you are going through difficult times that your teacher has indeed appeared. So pay attention, learn your lessons and you will be ready to claim your piece of gold.

Now I'm Gold